I got a message from Karly on Friday that made me think. She had a particularly rough day at home with her dear son and she said, "I don't know how you do this 5 days a week!". http://www.is31fun.blogspot.com/ April 13th post. I can totally relate to the day she had. I've had the 2 screaming kid/barking dog/doorbell ringing/telephone ringing/poopie diaper all at once kind of days. They are completely overwhelming. Its enough to make me cry for hours and grab a mood altering substance. I've even thought, "Maybe I should just go back to work." So it made me think about my BK (before kids) life when I worked 5 days a week. Was life REALLY any better. I honestly (after MUCH soul searching and SERIOUS consideration) have to say, it wasn't.
Let me start by saying I hated my job. When I was just an intern at Big Accounting Firm I came to the sad realization I did not like my chosen career. As I was about to start graduate school, it was too late to turn back. Parents and then boyfriend/now husband would not have been happy with my decision to return to school to study something else for 4 years. So, I pressed ahead. I did well in the corporate world. I was promoted, got good raises, got great reviews, got good assignments, but I was miserable. Every Sunday night, I would almost cry thinking about having to get up and go to work the next day. I convinced myself it wasn't that bad. I could have been worse - don't get me wrong. I always was fortunate enough to work with great people (mostly) and work for great people (mostly). However, there were days when my job was so bad that I would go home for lunch at 11am, cry and come back to work the rest of the day. At my first job after Big Accounting Firm, I came home and cried after my first day on the job because it was so awful. Not at all what they told me what I would be doing. Alot of times I came home and had a drink or two after work to "take the edge off my day" because I was so stressed out I couldn't relax. But I learned to make the best of these situations.
By the time I had to make the decision to stay at home or go back to work, I knew home was where my heart was. Staying at home isn't the easiest job in the world. Its very physical, very emotional and its pretty much 24/7. It is definately not for everyone. I am a big supporter that not every Mom needs to stay home. Your kids will not turn out well if you stay at home and absolutely hate it. What works well for me is not for everyone. Sometimes I feel guilty as a woman who was succeeding in the corporate world that I quit. Women that came before me fought so I could have the opportunities that I did. What do I do to repay them? I quit. Somewhere, Gloria Steinem is spitting on me. Also, I am VERY lucky that I have a wonderful family (a village, if you will) that is willing to take the kiddies alot. My parents and inlaws are angels of mercy. I thank God each and every day for them. I have no idea what people who have no family in town do. Without help, I definately would have to be fitted for a nice little white straight jacket.
Yes, sometimes my job makes me cry. Sometimes my job drives me to drink. Sometimes I feel like a big fat failure. But this job loves me back. This job looks cute in smocked bubble suits. This job puts its chubby little arms around my neck and tells me, "I love you Mama!". This job giggles. This job coos and smiles. This job says funny things. This job needs me and I need it. My old job never did.